"From Loss, There Is Strength"

I would like to write about my divorce. I say that I would "like" to, but the reality is that every time I begin to type my words onto a "page", my mind gets stuck, and my fingers just sit there pausing over the keyboard, waiting for my brain to give them some sort of a direction. The problem is that most of my stories have a bit of a humorous edge, and there is nothing funny about divorce.

I do know that when I write about divorce, it will NOT be about blame or resentment, nor will it be about regret. There will be no finger pointing or name calling. Rather, it will be from the perspective of "what I have learned about myself and my world" through this process. It will be about how I have grown, who I have become, and who I am still becoming.

Will it be about loss? I imagine so, for it is the feeling of loss - loss of faith, loss of love, and most of all, the feeling of losing myself - that challenged my courage, making me realize I am even stronger than I thought, no matter how lonely that can feel sometimes.

"Nine"

For those of you who were wondering (and I know you were), I did go from 10 down to 9 followers. "We lost one! Oh, no!" Ahh, but don't let this discourage you, as apparently there was one person posted twice (cheater). Plus, I know there are a lot of "closet followers" out there (knock, knock). I know you will come out when you are ready.

Nine is a good number, though. Afterall, there was a movie named after it. For all 9 of you that watched it : )

I Would Love To......

I would love to own a shop filled with classic toys.
Nothing filled with batteries - or computerized.

Wooden blocks,
and spinning tops.

Train sets,
and dolls that wet.

Lincoln logs,
and pull-along dogs.

Lego bricks to pile;
a phone that winks and smiles.

Dress-up clothes,
and a working fire hose.

Toys that make us laugh.
Toys that make us smile.
Toys that make us forget about
the world for awhile.

I would love to own a shop filled with classic toys.
Nothing filled with batteries - or computerized.

A Writer's Desperate Attempt

I still haven't figured out how much I want to share on this blog. On the one hand, I want to be totally uninhibited and write about everything that comes to my mind. On the other hand, there are concerns about privacy, future employment (although, I'm hoping this would be a "selling" point), people's feelings, publishing rights, etc., etc., etc.

So then, why even HAVE a blog? I am still figuring all of this out. I just know that I HAVE to write. I NEED to write.

Just yesterday, while driving down the road, I had so many thoughts spinning around in my head at one time - something I like to call "The Blender Effect" - and I needed to write them down. Otherwise, I would drive myself crazy, and I was afraid I would not remember them later.

While sitting at a traffic light, I frantically searched around for a pencil or pen. It was the one time that I wished I had not cleaned out my car - not a single pencil or pen in sight. But, damn! The inside of my car looked good.

I began to scrounge through my purse as quickly as I could, actually hoping that the light would NOT turn green.

Side note - Remember the days when writing a check was common? I was a child (of course), but my mom always had a handful of pens in her purse. I rarely write checks, and my kids have long been past the age when I needed to give them a drawing utensil in order to keep them occupied during a meal.

I could not find a pen or pencil in my purse.

For a moment, I thought I found lipstick. I was desperate enough to use it, until I realized it was just lip moisturizer (aka chapstick). It would be difficult to read script written in clear gloss. I would need those special glasses that I had when I was a kid. You know, the one that enabled you to read "invisible" ink?

I also found a tampon.
"Can't write with that," I thought, "unless I dipped it in......."

A pencil! I found a pencil!

I began to write my thoughts down on the back of an envelope as quickly as I could, using the steering wheel as my writing surface. I took the opportunity at every red light until I reached my daughter's school.

"Hmmmm," I thought, "I wonder if this could be considered texting?"

Epiphany

I am not indecisive. I just choose to make decisions in my own time.
I am not non-commital. I am quite flexible, and I like to keep my options open.

Confession of the Day

Last night, I flipped back and forth between "40 Year-old Virgin", "Maid of Honor", and "The Shining".

I have several possible explanations for this:

1) I was feeling indecisive.

2) ADD

3) My multiple personalities all showed up at the same party.

* Future employers -
"NO, I do not have multiple personality disorder. This is a joke."

Clutter (inspired by a friend)

Everyone has clutter. Some people are just better at hiding it than others. Personally, I choose to embrace my clutter. Until company shows up. Then, I shove it in the bedroom, and shut the door.