1a.m.
I awake to my dog,
who is practically standing on my face.
What the . . . ? ? ?
I pry him off of me and,
like a leech (only, soft and fuzzy; not slimy and wet) . . .
okay, more like a lint filled dryer sheet,
he is now stuck to my face.
He won't budge.
What the . . . ? ? ?
Then, I hear it.
Chirp . . .
chirp . . .
That sound that terrorizes my dog, filling him with fear,
and sending him into a frenzy, as he frantically searches for a safe place to hide.
I awake to my dog,
who is practically standing on my face.
What the . . . ? ? ?
I pry him off of me and,
like a leech (only, soft and fuzzy; not slimy and wet) . . .
okay, more like a lint filled dryer sheet,
he is now stuck to my face.
He won't budge.
What the . . . ? ? ?
Then, I hear it.
Chirp . . .
chirp . . .
That sound that terrorizes my dog, filling him with fear,
and sending him into a frenzy, as he frantically searches for a safe place to hide.
Dog: WHERE CAN I HIDE ? ? ?
Me: Why does this shit only happen at night ? ? ?
Chirp . . .
chirp . . .
chirp . . .
I know that I will not get any sleep, until I take care of the problem.
I get out of bed, and try to locate the source.
As I suspected, it is coming from downstairs, in the front hallway.
I can't reach it, so I grab a chair from the kitchen table.
In the meantime, Charlie is glued to my feet - tail, between his legs; ears, back,
looking as if our house is under attack.
I stand on a chair and grab its hard surface with my hands.
I turn it one way, I turn it the other - it won't budge.
Chirp . . .
chirp . . .
At this point,
I am so agitated that I just want to yank the f 'ing thing from the ceiling!
BUT, I keep (patiently) turning it one way, then the other, until FINALLY,
the thing comes loose from the ceiling.
I yank the battery out, set it on the table,
and give it the old STARE-DOWN.
At this point, my dog is nowhere to be seen.
I have to send out a search party (me).
He finally comes crawling out from somewhere,
and I convince him (I think) that the coast is clear, the danger is gone,
the battle is over, the bad guys have been chased away . . .
but, more importantly,
THE MEAN OLD SMOKE DETECTOR BATTERY HAS BEEN REMOVED !
Back to bed, now.
Please don't stand on my face.
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