Wednesday, September 25, 2013

How About Gout?

Gout:  a disease in which defective metabolism of uric acid causes arthritis, esp. in the smaller bones 
           of the feet, deposition of chalkstones, and episodes of acute pain (Google).

I went to the doctor, yesterday.

Nothing major; just a follow-up appointment.

The bad news is that I gained two pounds.

The good news is that I am still eight pounds down from where I was
     six months ago.

When I made myself comfortable on the paper covered "bed",
     the nurse sat down at the computer to update my records.

Nurse:  It says here you have seasonal allergies, asthma . . . and gout.

Me:  Um, NO on the "gout".

Nurse:  Huh (fingers, typing on the keyboard).

Nurse:  And it says here your are on . . .
                 (some sort of medication I've never heard of).

Me:  No.

Nurse:  Oh.  That medication is for gout. 

Nurse: (fingers, typing on the keyboard)

Nurse:  Are you sure you don't have gout?

The voice in my head:  It sounds really tempting.  I mean,
                                          I have never had gout,
                                         but it sounds like something I wish I could have.
                                         Even the sound of the word, itself - GOUT,
                                           is so pleasant,
                                                                  but . . .

Me:  "NO", I do not have gout.

Nurse: Huh (fingers, typing on the keyboard).

The voice in my head
     (with a smile on my face):  If you'd like, you can provide me
                                                   with a checklist
                                                   of cool sounding illnesses,
                                                   and I can check off which ones I think
                                                    I would like to have.  

The nurse looked at me, and smiled back.

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