Gout: a disease in which defective metabolism of uric acid causes arthritis, esp. in the smaller bones
of the feet, deposition of chalkstones, and episodes of acute pain (Google).
Nothing major; just a follow-up appointment.
The bad news is that I gained two pounds.
The good news is that I am still eight pounds down from where I was
six months ago.
When I made myself comfortable on the paper covered "bed",
the nurse sat down at the computer to update my records.
Nurse: It says here you have seasonal allergies, asthma . . . and gout.
Me: Um, NO on the "gout".
Nurse: Huh (fingers, typing on the keyboard).
Nurse: And it says here your are on . . .
(some sort of medication I've never heard of).
Me: No.
Nurse: Oh. That medication is for gout.
Nurse: (fingers, typing on the keyboard)
Nurse: Are you sure you don't have gout?
The voice in my head: It sounds really tempting. I mean,
I have never had gout,
but it sounds like something I wish I could have.
Even the sound of the word, itself - GOUT,
is so pleasant,
but . . .
Me: "NO", I do not have gout.
Nurse: Huh (fingers, typing on the keyboard).
The voice in my head
(with a smile on my face): If you'd like, you can provide me
with a checklist
of cool sounding illnesses,
and I can check off which ones I think
I would like to have.
The nurse looked at me, and smiled back.
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