If My Car Had a Bumper Sticker

If my car had a bumper sticker, it would read something like this:

I have kids. 
I am proud of them
(when they're not pissing me off). 
They go to school; they play sports. 
We go on vacations.
But, I'm not telling you where. 

Oh, and I have a yappy dog. 
Proud of him, too.  
And, he probably yaps louder 
   than your whiny child.