Once upon a time (on a recent Saturday),
I bravely and boldly (and stupidly), attempted to go to the DMV.
Why would I go to the DMV (located in the mall) on the FIRST SATURDAY of the MONTH in DECEMBER during PRIME HOLIDAY SHOPPING TIME?
Because I'm an idiot.
Somehow, I did not realize that my plates had expired on my vehicle, and every second that I spent out on the road, felt like a ticking time bomb.
At any moment, one of "Fairfax County's Finest", could pull behind me and notice the NOV 10 tattooed to my car.
This is how it went down.
The mall was crowded because...............well, as I mentioned, it was the first Saturday in December,
so I parked in the "overflow" lot, requiring me to walk across the busily traveled
four lane road that circles the mall.
I waited for a break in the traffic, then quickly ran across to the other side.
My foot was almost touching the curb, when the driver in an oncoming car blared his horn at me,
while giving me an ANGRY look, and throwing up his arms, as if to say,
"What the hell are you doing, crossing the street?"
Startled (to say the least), I stopped and looked at him in disbelief,
and threw MY arms up in the air, as if to say,
"What the HELL is your problem?"
A nearby car full of people gave me sympathetic stares, shaking their heads at the
"unpleasant person" who practically ran me over.
"And HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU, TOO, MR. SCROOGE!" I said (in my head).
With that, I continued onward, towards the mall, and to the DMV.
Just as I thought.
THE LINE WAS LONG.
Actually, a LOT longer than I realized, for as I stood at (what I thought was) the end of the line,
I looked to my right, and realized the line extended
ALL THE WAY DOWN THE SHOPPING MALL CORRIDOR.
Well, I KNOW what a 2 1/2 to 3 hour long DMV line looks like,
and this was at least DOUBLE the wait.
NO (bleeping) WAY.
They are going to have to take me away in a straight jacket.
So, I did what any sane person would do.
I left, I borrowed a friend's car for the weekend, and I went back on Monday, when the experience was MUCH more feasible.
In the meantime, my faith in humankind and the spirit of Christmas was restored Saturday evening,
with a visit to the quaint little waterside town of Occoquan
(and the location of one of my favorite "watering holes"),
where the store fronts and streets were dressed for the holidays, making everything look and feel.....................................magical.
Driving through the town, embellished in white lights and greenery, and having a wonderful dinner
with "my kind of people" (the ones who GET me, and don't yell at me for crossing the STREET), as well as a NICE COLD BEER, replenished my soul with warmth and peace.
And as I raised my glass in a toast that night,
I believe my thoughts were something like............
"Go Scrooge yourself, Mr. Scrooge!"
Fa la la la LA, la la la LA!