Speechless

Here it is, Thursday,
     and I haven't written anything substantial since last..........................Thursday.

And, it is not because of the lack of writing material.

Quite the opposite, really. 

I recently spent four days at a conference in New York City
      for SCBWI (Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators).

I am still in awe of the amount of talented writers and artists that filled that room,
     in that hotel. 

In fact, I am .............................speechless. 

The conference, alone, was amazing. 

Did I mention that it was in New York City?

 

Authors, illustrators, actors, actresses, comedians, musicians, shows (both on and off the stage), interesting people, interesting sights, food, food, food, the subway, taxi rides, the subway, tall buildings, the subway, "I think I saw a rat", lights, honking horns, sirens, snow, snirt (piles of snow with dirt), eating dinner with the mafia, man clearing snot out of nose onto pavement . . . . .

So many stories to tell!

 

 

And, quite honestly, life and a bad cold have kept me busy, since I've been home.  The stories will come, though.  Like waiting for the Subway or a New York Taxi Cab..................or a publisher to sign my book (hmmmmm),     

 

     the stories will come.....................soon.

Waiting for a Good Dump

Hold that thought.........................and THAT thought, and THAT thought.......................

     is  what I've been doing, for the last several days. 

I have not had the chance to write since last Thursday,

but a LOT of stories have been compiling in my head, just WAITING to be dumped out on a page.

Yes, DUMPED.

Like, after coming back from vacation, and you can finally take a good ..........................

Shit, I have been so entertained, lately, and soon, I hope you will be, too!

So, PLEASE check back in a few days : - )

Pumping Gas

Getting gas at the pump is no longer a simple process.   
 
1)  Will you be paying INSIDE or OUTSIDE?

2)  If you answered "INSIDE", will you be paying with CASH, CREDIT, or DEBIT?

3)  If you are paying with CASH, please pay the cashier BEFORE you pump your gas.

4) If you answered "OUTSIDE", will you be paying with CREDIT or DEBIT?

5) If you have a DISCOUNT CARD, please swipe it now.

6)  If you have a CREDIT CARD, please swipe it now.

7)  If you have a DEBIT CARD, please swipe it now.

8)  Please enter your PIN.

9)  Please enter your ZIP CODE.   

10)  Please enter the MAKE and MODEL of your car.

11)  Please enter the COLOR of your car.  

12)  Please enter the ITEMS YOU HAD FOR BREAKFAST this morning.   

13)  Please enter the NAME of your CHILDHOOD PET.

14)  If you did not have a childhood pet, please pay INSIDE.     

15)  Please press thumb against glass for THUMBPRINT SCAN. 

16)  PLEASE WAIT for authorization. 

17)  Please choose which TYPE of GAS you will be using.(I hope you brought a sandwich because our pumps are running slow.)    

18)  Would you like a RECEIPT?  Yes, or no?

19)  Would you like to have your CAR WASHED?  Yes, or no? 

20)  If YES, please proceed to the car wash WITH YOUR RECEIPT.  

            If you said "NO" to receipt, but wanted your car washed,        

YOU ARE OUT OF LUCK,

AND WILL HAVE TO GET YOUR CAR WASHED ANOTHER DAY.    

21)  Please proceed on your route, 

           and disregard the gas station down the street

        that charges twenty cents a gallon LESS.  

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATRONAGE!

Tomorrow IS Today (A follow-up to yesterday's blog.)

Just to let you know that I am taking this horoscope "thing" seriously,
      I read my horoscope(s) again this morning (in The Washington Post).

 Sagittarius

"There's something terribly inconvenient and time-consuming

on your list of things to do. 

Take Solace in the fact that your ancestors got water from wells and killed their own food."

Capricorn

"You'll see how all the reading you do is paying off.  

You'll know an answer and will save yourself and your loved ones time and money because of this knowledge."

First of all, LAUGHING MY ASS OFF (LMAO)! 

"Take solace in the fact that my ancestors got water from wells and killed their own food????"

Is that like when our parents used to tell us, 

      "When I was young, we used to walk 20 miles, BAREFOOT in the SNOW, to get to school" ?

Which, in today's world, translates to:

     "When I was young, I had to ride the BUS to school, because I did not own a car. 

AND I had to stop and use something called a Pay Phone, if I wanted to make a call."

Humor aside, POINT TAKEN.   

As for Capricorn, although there is talk about a new book group forming, 

     I have not read anything substantial in months. 

Reading distracts me from my writing. 

I seem to only be able to immerse myself in one...........or  the other.

Uh oh. 

Hadn't thought about that, when I decided to become part of this new book group. 

Huh. 

So, I live another day as a Sagicapricorn.

And, don't worry. 

I am not going to do this every day. 

Besides, I won't have time. 

I am hanging a sign up on the door that reads...............

GONE HUNTING.

After that, I am going to the well (with my son, Jack), to fetch some water.

I may be gone for awhile. 

Identity Crisis

Turns out I am not who I thought I was.

For 42 years, I lived my life as a Capricorn,
     dutifully reading my Capricorn horoscope, and applying it to my life.

Major life decisions have been made,
     based on what my horoscope said (not really).

Thank goodness I did not get that tattoo,
     one drunken night (in my twenties). 

Wait.

I think that was a unicorn. 

I don't think I would actually have a "sea goat" tatooed to my Sagittari..........ass,
     no matter HOW many drinks I may have had (in my twenties). 

I pretty much just gave it away, but I have been told that I am now a Sagittarius.

That's like my parents telling me, after 42 years, that I was adopted.

I am not who I thought I was.   

At first, I denied it, and took a stand. 

     "I AM, ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, AND ALWAYS WILL BE A CAPRICORN!!!!!"

Then, I started to read a little bit about Sagittarius (my birth parent). 

SOME, but not ALL of the character traits made sense.

Just as SOME, but not ALL of the Capricorn character traits made sense.

So, I came up with a BRILLIANT solution. 

I can be a Capricorn AND a Sagitarius.

Eureka! 

After all, I am a grownup, and I can decide WHO I want to spend time with, and WHEN.

So, on days when I feel like a Sagittarius, I AM a Sagittarius. 

On days when I feel like a Capricorn, I AM a Capricorn.

Better yet, I could combine the two to make up one single identity.

Does Caprittarius or Sagicapricorn sound better?

Maybe, the accuracy of my horoscope(s) should determine my identity, each day.    

Today, my horoscopes in The Washington Post said the following:

Sagittarius

"You exude energy and joy when you feel good. 
That's why the situation that is most comfortable for you
will bring much happiness to everyone around you."

Capricorn

"You have a habit of watching for opportunities ,
and that is why you are luckier than the people who are too busy doing their own thing
to look around for good fortune." 

While both horoscopes sound appealing, I think (today) I am leaning more towards Sagittarius.

Because, I would have to say that when "I" am happy, those around me are happy. 
When I'm NOT happy, I will do my best to make those around me.............. miserable (not really). 

That would make me a SAGICAPRICORN.

I can't wait to find out who I will be tomorrow! 

Ice is Nice

Ice is nice

In a summer glass drink,

On a skating rink,

On a frozen branch stem.

In the light of a doorway,

A message on the phone,

Saying. "School is delayed. 

Please go back to bed."  
 

Ice is nice.

The Jar of Roasted Red Peppers

I stood in the grocery store aisle,
     and stared at the large jar of roasted red peppers for a good five minutes.

I was at home, making a pot of vegetarian chili,
     when the voice of inspiration came to me (ding!) -

"Roasted red peppers will add that flavor you are searching for,
     to make this recipe unique."

Unfortunately, I only wanted a small jar,
     compared to the econo-sized jar displayed on the shelf,
which was large enough to display small body parts in
      . . . . . . . . . .but let's not get off track.

 I went back and forth on whether to buy such a large jar,
     knowing that a good part of it would probably go to waste.

I finally decided to grab the jar off the top shelf, and put it in my cart.

When I arrived home, my youngest son helped me carry the grocery bags
     inside the house, resting them on the kitchen floor.

One by one, I lifted each bag up on top of the counter,
     emptying out the groceries, and putting them away.

When I lifted up the next bag . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

SMASH!

     "What the . . . . . . . .??!!" I said.

The large jar of roasted red peppers was apparently too heavy
     for the plastic grocery bag to contain it,
and it dropped right through the bottom, crashing onto the hard surface.

Like water spilling out of a broken levy, red pepper juice spilled

ALL OVER THE KITCHEN FLOOR.

And, 

     the roasted red peppers, 

lying on the floor, 

     amidst the broken glass, 

actually DID resemble a body part.  

The voice of inspiration spoke, once again.

     "You will not be adding roasted red peppers to your chili.
          You will now be mopping the floor."