Pumping Gas

Getting gas at the pump is no longer a simple process.   
 
1)  Will you be paying INSIDE or OUTSIDE?

2)  If you answered "INSIDE", will you be paying with CASH, CREDIT, or DEBIT?

3)  If you are paying with CASH, please pay the cashier BEFORE you pump your gas.

4) If you answered "OUTSIDE", will you be paying with CREDIT or DEBIT?

5) If you have a DISCOUNT CARD, please swipe it now.

6)  If you have a CREDIT CARD, please swipe it now.

7)  If you have a DEBIT CARD, please swipe it now.

8)  Please enter your PIN.

9)  Please enter your ZIP CODE.   

10)  Please enter the MAKE and MODEL of your car.

11)  Please enter the COLOR of your car.  

12)  Please enter the ITEMS YOU HAD FOR BREAKFAST this morning.   

13)  Please enter the NAME of your CHILDHOOD PET.

14)  If you did not have a childhood pet, please pay INSIDE.     

15)  Please press thumb against glass for THUMBPRINT SCAN. 

16)  PLEASE WAIT for authorization. 

17)  Please choose which TYPE of GAS you will be using.(I hope you brought a sandwich because our pumps are running slow.)    

18)  Would you like a RECEIPT?  Yes, or no?

19)  Would you like to have your CAR WASHED?  Yes, or no? 

20)  If YES, please proceed to the car wash WITH YOUR RECEIPT.  

            If you said "NO" to receipt, but wanted your car washed,        

YOU ARE OUT OF LUCK,

AND WILL HAVE TO GET YOUR CAR WASHED ANOTHER DAY.    

21)  Please proceed on your route, 

           and disregard the gas station down the street

        that charges twenty cents a gallon LESS.  

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATRONAGE!