Public Service Announcement ( Carpool for Dummies )

It's a carpool line. 

Not rocket science.  

Follow the cars in front of you ALL THE WAY UP TO THE END OF THE CIRCLE.

PLEASE DO NOT TEXT OR TALK ON CELL PHONES DURING THIS PROCESS.   

The carpool line requires your undivided attention and focus.  

Don't stop immediately in front of the school, so that your lazy child does not have to walk

an extra 20 or 30 feet.

YOUR CHILD WILL BE OKAY,

and may possibly burn off that candy bar that he had for breakfast,

not to mention, those few extra breaths of fresh air that are good for his brain

may help boost his grade point average . 

When you DO stop in front of the school,

you prevent others from being able to pull up to the curb.

This HOLDS UP THE CARPOOL LINE,

and backs it up ALL THE WAY ONTO THE MAIN STREET,

which (in turn) results in traffic issues for the people

WHOSE CHILDREN DO NOT EVEN GO TO THE SCHOOL,

and causes them to be late to work, which pisses THEM off,

and when THEY go to work, they take it out on their co-workers,

creating a hostile work environment, which trickles into the home life, 
 
which is why the divorce rate is so high (possibly) !  

( Big Breath ) 

Also, please make sure that you have had all necessary discussions with your child

PRIOR to pulling up to the curb.

This is NOT the appropriate time to have the talk about

"the birds and the bees" (although, this may get them out of the car more quickly).  

The curb is a "DROP-OFF, DISCUSSION-FREE" ZONE !

In addition, please make sure that your child has gathered

ALL OF HIS OR HER BELONGINGS BEFORE APPROACHING THE CURB!

This is NOT the time for your child to start putting his papers (laptop, cell phone, or blackberry)

in his bag,

or start tying his shoe laces ( or fastening the velcro ),

buttoning his shirt,

putting his tie on,

applying hair gel,

flossing his teeth, etc.  

Again, you are HOLDING UP THE CARPOOL LINE.  

So, in review:

1)  No texting or talking on cell phones (by you OR your child).  

2)  Pull up to the curb, AS FAR AS YOU CAN GO without exiting the parking lot or hitting the car in front  of you.  IF YOU HAVE ENTERED THE HIGHWAY, YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR.  

3)  Say good-bye to your child.

4)  Eject child from vehicle.

5)  Leave the carpool.  

 SIMPLE.

Oh, and one other thing that I must mention.     

NO CARS ALLOWED IN CARPOOL THAT HAVE AUTOMATIC OPEN AND SHUT DOORS.

It simply takes way too long for those doors to shut, which causes a hold up in the carpool line. 

Any questions ? ? ?

This has been a public service announcement.


( There is no proof that inefficient carpools have actually been linked to divorce.)